Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Movie Marathon

I've been watching the SAW Series this week. It makes me feel so badass. They reallly aren't as bad as I thought they would be.

I have no plans for tomorrow. It's going to be weird. I'm used to having a party each New Years Eve, but it won't happen this year. I could have gone to see RHPS, but my parents weren't going to take me to New Ox, and part of me didn't want to go either. It was fun on Halloween, but I'm just not in the mood to go again.

But I am going back to SU soon. :) Can't wait. I'm in the middle of packing and sorting through my things this week before I go back.

Friday, December 25, 2009


Well, I'm not going too far. But I am going to NC tomorrow for a few days to have Christmas: Part II with the rest of my family. Six hours in the car with my parents and my grandma should be fun. There is actually no sarcasm in that statement. We've gotten along pretty well these last few days.

It'll be spending time around my brother that's going to be the "fun" part.


It's the day that children all over have been waiting for. Only, this kid thinks it doesn't feel like Christmas. There's something about the mood that's different. Maybe it's because it's the first Christmas I didn't spend with all of my family at once, and the first Christmas where I went to church and heard my dad preach instead of some other pastor.

It's weird this feeling. I'm used to opening presents on Christmas Day, then going to my aunts house for food and to spend time with the whole fam-damly.

Not to say that today isn't great, because it definitely is. I got everything I wanted and more. It's just weird, that's all. It's different. It's a change.

But on a better note, I've had a wonderful Christmas so far. I got what I wanted and I am spending the day with my Aunt Barbara, grandma, and my parents, and the cat, of course.

My parents got me all kinds of soundtracks. I'm especially stoked about the South Park Movie one! That was a complete surprise.

Can you tell I was excited?

Best Christmas EVERR! West Side Story, Legally Blonde, Gypsy and South Park (and the fack that I got my camera tri-pod)! What could be better?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


My grandma is coming up from NC today, and at some point she will be joined by Aunt Barb. Oh, what a wonderful combination this is going to be.

Most of you don't know this but Grandma+Barbara=incessant arguing/bitching and moaning about the other. They drive each other crazy.

My grandma, bless her heart, is a wonderful person. She does, however, have some qualities that are a bit more than annoying. For instance: on a Saturday morning you want to sleep in, right? Well, that's next to impossible because this woman starts banging pots and pans around at 5:30 am. Why is she up at this ungodly hour? Because she's up that early every morning regardless of when she goes to bed.

So, if you're lucky enough to sleep through all the banging, at some point you will be awoken by her checking up on you. The door opens loud enough startle you into cardiac arrest. She doesn't mean to, she's just trying to make sure you're breathing, but it's still frustrating.

And, if you've managed to fall back asleep after wetting yourself from fright, she will come into your room at 9/10 o'clock to ask, "Are you going to sleep the day away?" That is unless you have somehwere to be, then she says, "It's time to get up. Up an at 'em. Time's marching on."

In that order. Every. Single. Time.

And like most people, when I wake up, I can't eat right away. I have to wake up first. Apparently, this woman doesn't realize that for some people, the thought of shoving food down your throat as soon as you wake up is gagnacious, stomaching-churning horror. Because as soon as your feet hit the floor, she's asking what you want to eat. Can I wake up and let you know in like 20 minutes? Because, at the moment, thinking of food makes me want to hurl.

For the three years I lived with this woman, I was unable to break her of that morning harassing routine.

You can see why this would be annoying, right?

As for Aunt Barb, she just complains about everything. My this hurts, my that hurts. She's 67 going on 135. And what makes Grandma so angry is how sloppy Aunt Barb can be. Grandma is a neat freak. Barbara is the polar opposite of that.

So, for the next few days, I will get to hear the lovely caterwauling coming from their mouths and I'll get to deal with each of their minor nuisances.

If I return after Christmas a bit more crazy than normal, you now know why.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Strange Days at Tommy Hilfiger.

You know, I really love my job. Well, it's possible that love is actually an overstatement. I really like my job. I like the people I work with (mostly) and I don't really mind the folding/hanging/ringing/refolding/stocking/etc. And for the most part, the customers are nice, friendly, understanding people. Of course, someone is going to be an asshole, but I don't really encounter that too often.

Aside from those things, I generally have fun at work even if it's a day like today: I worked 9 hours with an anticipated visit from corporate (Mark never did show up, by the way), and there were various funny things said over the walkies.

But today, bizarre things/slightly annoying things happened. First, I got to be someone's bitch. And by bitch, I mean this: The lady walks in, fills an entire bag full of clothes (this is usually a good thing). She then tries to take all 20+ items into the dressing room. I politely told her that she could only have in 6 items at a time, it's store policy. She huffed and puffed at me (but did not try to blow me down). Her son then went into the dressing room, and I politely told him that only one person was allowed to be in the room at a time. She got angry again. Her son left, and I proceeded to leave before I rolled my eyes at her.

About fifteen minutes later, I checked up on her to make sure everything was going smoothly. Apparently everything she tried on didn't fit her or it fit, but didn't go with a particular sweater. She wouldn't buy anything unless a shirt went with a sweater and vice versa.

In my attempt to get the woman out of the store, I ran around trying to pick out different sweater/shirt sets that she hadn't already tried. Toughest. Thing. Ever. She was fanatically picky, and I did this for about half an hour.

Each time I would go back to help her remove items she didn't want from the dressing room, they would be hung. And normally this wouldn't pose a problem except they were all hung inside out. Really? Really? You can't turn it right-side out? Sigh.

When she finally finished, another ten to fifteen minutes later, I was more than glad to see her go. She did buy a few things, I'm not sure what, but something. I hope she doesn't come back any time soon.

Now for the strange thing of the day:

A woman came into the store. I was folding shirts, when I overhear Kat say on the walkie, "Women's Shop 1 has just turned into a personal nursing station." I wasn't sure I heard her correctly at first, so I had to turn around.

And when I did...

The lady was stripping off her shirt. As in over her head to reveal her cami, nursing bra, and not-so-fit abdomen. I was shocked, appalled, and then confused. WHY would anyone do this? Why would you do it in front of a PICTURE WINDOW? What the hell, woman? Do you have no shame?

Thankfully, Sarah told her that she could go into a dressing room to change, but that she couldn't do it on the store front.

It's things like that, that make a 9 hour shift fly by. It's also why I really like my job.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Snow Day

Here in northern Maryland where I'm located, it has been snowing for about 22 hours non-stop. What does that mean? THERE IS 20 INCHES OF BEAUTIFUL SNOW ON THE GROUND!

Never in my life have I seen so much snow. It's gorgeous! I'm so giddy at the moment I can hardly stand it!

It is, unfortunately, cramping my plans for tomorrow. I was supposed to go to New Oxford so I could sing at the choir concert, but I'm assuming that it is going to be cancelled. This means, that the concert will take place on the snow date, Monday. That's all well and good, but I have to work on Monday 4-close. The concert would be at 7. Do you see the problem?

So, I'm praying that CVSD decides to have a snow day Monday so I can see the concert at a later date.

Other than that, things should go according to plan. Church is going to be postponed for two hours, but Dad is still planning on having it.

I'm just excited that there is going to be a white Christmas! The last time I experienced one was the horrible ice storm NC had in 2003. It was the week before Christmas, I think, but this time, it's going to be legit.

I can't stop smiling.

Here are some more pictures I took today:

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


I'm kind of glad that, unlike my friends, I have no finals right now. I'm also sad that I'm not at school right now to share in the hatred of finals. But I will be going back soon and it's exciting.

I got to talk and catch up with Dr. Eck today. God, I love that woman. She always makes me smile; especially because she laughs at everything I say. It's a real confidence boost.

Renee and I talked about having a Girl's Day and that's completely exciting.

Also, I should probably go to bed considering that I have to get up in six hours so I can go to work. Corporate is stopping by tomorrow and there is a lot of stuff to fold.

I'm sure that's what I'll be doing all day tomorrow...folding. So to keep my sanity, I need as much sleep as possible.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I Know What I Really Want For Christmas

It's not a White Christmas.
It's not one where I get everything on my list.
I want one where my entire family gets along for more than 3.275 seconds. I want a nice, solid 5 minutes.

Five minutes of peace.

No fighting.
No hitting.
No lashing out with fork'd tongue.
No name-calling.

Just five minutes where we all (at least pretend) that we love one another.

Just five minutes where there's a classic silver screen Christmas.

Just five minutes.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Good News

I'm going back to SU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

List of Complaints

  • My sleeping schedule is out of whack.
  • I can't seem to get enough sleep (more so than usual).
  • I'm hungry all the time and gaining weight (I think). Can someone explain that one to me?
  • I've consistently gotten a migraine every day this week.
  • I'm hungry all. The. TIME.
  • Today I got the feeling I was going to projectile vomit after I ate.
  • This girl needs to get her neck adjusted. The pain and stiffness is making me feel old.

That is all.

Off to eat.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Smile though your heart is aching.
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.

God, I hope so.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Made my life. Best season finale ever.

I'm not putting up with my "friends" making big deals about stupid shit on facebook. It's not worth it. You don't like my status updates, hide me. Don't bitch about it. So yeah, I removed you from my friends and blocked you. Don't accuse me of "trying to get attention" because of my status updates. I'll update them as frequently as I want.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I'm inspired to write, but I can't think of anything which always leads me to ramblings. But I guess that's okay. I mean, the thoughts that go through my mind are just completely random anyway...

Right now I'm just really inspired in general. My heart is floating in my body, I'm happy. I'm so happy, in fact, I'm crying. I just read the most genuine post of my friend's blog. It was the most sincere, loving, amazing thing I've ever read in my entire life.

Katie is so...nice isn't powerful enough word, genuine, that's what I want to use, and her heart is made of pure gold. You read her words and her thoughts and it just hits you. The words come around, out of the computer screen, and wrap around you. They're uplifting. She knows herself so well. Her intentions are always good. And she can make me smile even on my worst days.

You know what else makes me smile? Glee. The finale is tomorrow, and I'm stoked. Right now, I've decided to just do what makes me happy. Selfish? Maybe so. But I think that doing things for yourself, being selfish in a sense, is okay. If you keep giving, soon, you'll have nothing left to give. Am I right?

I've just decided that right now, things are stressful, and I just want to do what is going to make me happy. Sleep all day? Okay. Indulge in chocolate? Absolutely. Stay at home and watch my shows? Fine. It's keeping me happy inside. Right now, that's what matters most to me.


Monday, December 7, 2009


So, I finally got a response after much waiting, anxiety, and an email later.

Nothing is official, but I was told, "The news is good."

So, I guess that means I'm going back.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

This disagreement with her is really getting under my skin. I've apologized over and over again. It's really getting me down. I don't want her to be mad at me, I want to start back at SU on the right foot not with us fighting.

Thinking about it makes me want to cry. I really wish she would talk to me.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Sorry, I was foolish

Yesterday, I think I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I had to judge something and draw conclusions from something of which I knew nothing. Way. To. Go. I was immature, stupid, and completely in the wrong. I don't have two cents to put in when I don't know what's going on. Now, I have my foot in my mouth.

And I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it. If I could say it to your face, I would in a heart beat. But that's not the case. I've called you, sent you a text, etc. I don't know what else to do except leave you alone.

And that's really hard for me to do. I hate it when others are mad at me. I hate hurting other people's feelings especially when they're my friend. It makes me feel horrible.

Please, talk to me.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Christmas Time is Here!

And I'm finally stoked!

I did lots of Christmas shopping yesterday, and I'm almost done. :)

Now I just have to wrap and send a few of them.

Monday, November 30, 2009


So, I've worked everyday since Friday. I'm a little worn out at the moment. That paycheck is going to be soooo nice though.

In a week I'll hear from SU. I'm nervous/excited.

I've also been thinking a lot, a terrible thing, I know. I really miss him. I miss his funny faces. I miss the way he smells. I miss the way he held me.

It's hard. But I miss him a lot.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Black Friday

I worked my very first Black Friday today. It was actually, my only Black Friday ever. I had a 12 hour shift from 5am-5pm, and the day basically went by quickly. The last hour dragged on forever.

Overall, it was a good day.

Tomorrow and Sunday I work 8 hours. This paycheck is going to be great!

Thursday, November 26, 2009


First and foremost, Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm pumped for food, and for spending some time with family and friends.

However, I am not pumped about having to get up at 3:45am on Friday so I have time to eat and get dressed so I can go into work from 5am to 5pm. Not liking that at all.

At the moment, I'm watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. I've definitely seen better ones, but I really shouldn't complain. I actually get to watch this year's. Last Thanksgiving, I was working all day.

The Rocketts were really good, though, as was the cast of Hair.

Currently, I'm trying to keep myself awake so I can hit the hay at like 7 or 8 tonight.

Monday, November 23, 2009


You know what can be very conflicting? Being honest. That can ultimately be a problem. At first though, you think, "Nah. How is that possible?" But if you truly dig deep to a time when being honest would hurt someone more than help, you understand what I'm saying.

I'm a pretty honest person. I try not to be brutally honest because I know that sometimes that can come off pretty harshly, but I always try to be truthful especially with my friends.

My problem as of late is between someone who is very close to me. We're friends, this person and I, best friends. But this person is a little lack-luster in the singing talent category. Now, this person isn't the worst singer in the world, that's been proven time and time again during American Idol auditions, but this person is no where near someone who I'd consider a "good" singer. And you know, it's really hard to be honest with this person because of his/her love for singing. I'm afraid if I say to this person, "You know, really, singing isn't your strong point. I know you like to do it for fun, but really, in reality, you're not very good." I fear that it will not only break her heart but our friendship.

And I know, I know, "If we're truly friends, it won't make a difference." But really, it will. It will make a difference, because this person will be heartbroken and angry with me for breaking the heart.

But honestly, I want to let this person know so that he/she isn't embarrassed when auditioning for various things. Who wants to be humiliated in front of a bunch of people?

Like, when you watch AI, don't you ask yourself, "Why in hell did their parents not tell them they sucked ass?" I can't be the only one to do that.

And I don't really want to pass this task down onto someone else. If I can't do it, I can't ask someone else to do it for me either.

Does anyone have any advice?

Sunday, November 22, 2009


Natalie Weiss is having a solo concert January 24. Guess which girl is going?
If you said this one, then you're right!
Also, Macy Keef is going, too. It shall be a doub'ly awesome night.

And, I found another song I'm obsessed with. It's House of Love by Jeremy Schonfeld. Has anyone heard of it?

Here is Natalie Weiss singing it. Ohmygosh, it's amazing!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Camp Rock

It's on and I'm watching it!

I got to hang with my friends this weekend, and I got to see Jayna who I haven't seen in forever. So much fun!

Oh, learned that you cannot make pancakes with waffle batter. They become too soupy, but are really filling once they're cooked.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I got new sweaters today as Christmas presents. And work was okay. I was feeling a bit anxious today for whatever reason. I did have pretty awful dreams during the night though.

Dean Winger called me to talk to me about a Leadership Conference. Sounds like I may be going back? I think so. Why offer this to me just to say, "No! No SU for you!"

I'm officially in HCC, too. Why wouldn't I be? But whatever. Now my plan B is coming together a bit more.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


I'm doubting myself. I'm doubting my ability to sing. I'm doubting if I'm really even a good singer at all.

I don't know. I just feel like my dream will never come true...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Two Obsessions

Natalie Weiss is one of my new heros. She's such an amazing singer. Talent oozes from this girl's pores.

So, there's Natalie Weiss and the song by Jason Robert Brown I'm Not Afraid of Anything. It's bringing me the strength I need right now. The ending to the song may not be the brightest, but somehow, it's encouraging me to be strong.

Jennie's afraid of water
I mean she swims so well
But still
She's afraid of water
And so she won't go near the sea
Not me

Katie's afraid of darkness
I mean she sleeps and all
But still
She's afraid of darkness
So when the lights are out she has to hold my hand
I don't understand

I'm not afraid of anything
Be it mountains, water, dragons, dark or sky
I'm not afraid of anything
Tell me where's the challenge if you never try
So watch me fly
I'm not afraid

Daddy's afraid of babies
I mean he got through me, but now
He's afraid of babies
Guess he's scared of what they'll be
Not me

And Mama's afraid of crying
You know she tries to hold it in
But she's afraid of crying
And she can look at me with tears stuck in her eye
And I don't know why

I'm not afraid of anything
Be it growing old or going out of style
I'm not afraid of anything
Who would give up what they want without a trial
Another mile
I'm not afraid

And I feel the calling of adventure
And I hear the ringing in my ear
The lights are glaring
Trumpets blaring
I'm right here
And I hear the calling of tomorrow
And I feel the stirring in my bones
And David loves me
He's afraid to hold me

Listen to the calling of excitement
Can you feel the pounding of my heart
The lights are ready
Pulse is steady
I can start

Never stop the calling of a challenge
Blessing on the water and the stones
And David loves me
He's afraid to tell me
David loves me
He's afraid to trust me
He's afraid to hold me
And he'll always be
He's afraid of me

And I'm not afraid of anyone
I am sure to win with anyone at all
I'm not afraid of anyone
Not a soul alive can get behind this wall
So let them call
And watch them fall
‘Cause after all
I'm not afraid

Sunday, November 15, 2009


You how it's said that young people are, "Too young to be tired" or "Too young to have such aches and pains." Is that really true? I don't think so. I'm 18 and many days I feel like I'm 18 going on 45. My feet hurt, my back constantly aches, and some days I'd like to amputate my knees. Were children 30 and 40 years ago just more tolerant? Are kids my age now just softer? I mean, I know that children now have so much more handed to them . They don't have to use their imaginations anymore; why when you can just play your Nintendo DSi or Wii?

It kind of makes me wonder what my kids will and most importantly won't have to do. Written homework? Nah. From what I hear, they won't even know how to write in cursive. Many schools are in the process of cutting that from their course of study because "it won't be needed" in years to go.

I really feel old when I say, "What is the world coming to?"

Friday, November 13, 2009

Can We Please Just Leave Well Enough Alone?

Please? Because I really was doing okay until you called and drove a knife right through my heart. I just feel like now I have to apologize to you because I unknowingly kept you trapped for two months. I'm sorry. You didn't have to patronize me. I could have handled it.

If my heart wasn't broken before, it is now. Don't worry too much, I'll get over it, and it will heal; but it's going to take a while. Now I have to mend it back together instead of just putting on a butterfly stitch.

I will tell you this much, those six months were the best. They really were. I just didn't have to be over.


I have to say, this day has flown by. Though that's probably due to the two hour nap I had...

Wait. I think I may take that back. It's only 5:15, and I have several more hours before I go to bed. Hmm... That may be an affirmative statement in about two hours.

Anyway, I'm definitely feeling better today. I'm still sickish, but I can breathe though my nose easier. Thank GOD!

The only thing I'm still really miffed about is the fact that now, everyone at SU wants to know every aspect of my personal business. The disabilities coordinator apparently called my counselor to ask about getting my case notes, i.e. what I've been talking about in confidence during my sessions. Why the hell does she need that? I could understand the counseling center maybe wanting that information, but not this lady! My concern is that she'd use that information against me. My parents and I are convinced that this was the lady that was responsible for the right hand knowing more than the left considering my medical leave. -_-

But, my counselor called me and I was able to express my concerns to her, which were the same as hers. She's only releasing pertinent information, because some of the stuff just needs to be private.

Seriously, though? I still don't understand why that information is needed.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I just realized right now how much I miss you.
Feeling college sick. I really miss it.

Still feeling under the weather.

I'm bored out of my mind, but I'm definitely not motivated enough to work on my to-do list.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Still feeling kinda poopy. I've basically veg'd out all day.

Glee is back on tonight and I am sooo excited!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Not 100% today.

My allergies are finally catching up with me. I woke up this morning and my throat was sandpaper lined. I hate that. Like, you feel okay, except you feel like you can't talk or swallow...or breathe for that matter.

But I have to say, working today must have gotten my mind off of it. The time just flew by, and I'm not quite sure how that happened. I was there at 8 am this morning, and it was 3 before I knew it. I think it was because I spent 2 hours in the back back-stocking menswear.

Oh, and can someone explain to me how one can drop $437.52 at once? I was shocked when I rang this man up. He just kept picking up stuff and picking up stuff. I've seen more $100 bills since I've started working than I have in my entire life. But, hey! My sales must have been through the roof today!

Overall, good day. I just hope I start feeling better soon.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Got it!

It's Chronic Sleepyititus (C).

That's what makes me so sleepy.

I am a genius.

Fit Session

So I just want to say last night = best time at work ever!

I got to do my "fit session" which means I got a 70% off coupon for trying on an outfit and describing how each piece fits.

Hello? Who wouldn't comply?

I'm happy with how things are going at the moment. Things right now are good.

Friday, November 6, 2009


So, Jordan and I are taking a break. I'm surprisingly not distraught. I guess I figured it was coming soon. My sixth sense was telling me it was going to happen.

I'm not mad at him either. I know why that is. I've been in his shoes before. I know what he's feeling and understand that it's conflicting and confusing.

The boy is still my best friend, and always will be.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Good day at work. It went by pretty fast.

Everything is going by quickly, actually. This year has flown by. It's November. I having a hard time fathoming that it's this late in the year, that is until I step outside into the crisp, fall air. All of my friends are having birthdays. They're becoming legal adults, and it makes me feel kind of old. I'll be 19 in a little more than two months. I'm still not used to being 18.

Now, I know why people feel old when you say, "Oh, I was born in '91."

Does anyone else feel that way? Is anyone out in cyberland reading my ramblings?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


You're an asshole, a jerk, and an idiot. You think you're mature, but that isn't the case. In fact, you're a selfish, self-centered person who doesn't have any true friends. Some day, someone is going to kick your ass, and it will be funny--hilarious even. You will then finally get your just desserts.

What irks me most is that fact that you thought I was faking. Really? Really now? That's a stupid thought. Obviously your "medical training" really didn't teach you much. And you were the one who wanted to date me. So don't go harassing me by telling me that I was a waste of time.

I really think that I was just your big, gay beard. And some day you're going to realize that you really don't like girls, and you're homophobic self will then truly be conflicted. When that happens, you'll realize that you actually hate yourself.

I tried to convince you that people were people no matter who they love, but I guess you'll have to figure that out the hard way.

And you have the audacity to call me immature? That's hilarious! I'm the one who grew up a long time ago. You're still living your fantasy life in Never-Never Land where everyone thinks you're a hotshot with brains.

I can't wait until someone puts you in your place. You will then know what a lying, manipulative piece of dirt that you really are.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I Promised Pictures

It was a pretty awesome Halloween if I do say so myself.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Rocky Horror Picture Show is tonight! I'm super cereal essssited!

I think the best part of the day (other than the show and getting ready for it, of course) is going to be the fact that I'm going to have to go out in public with curlers in my hair! Hahahahaha!!! Man, is that going to be fun. I hope I don't end up in an email of Worst Dressed at Walmart! That would be awful!

I can't contain my excitement!

Oh, last night, I was able to go to the last home football game of the season! I got to see so many of my friends! I am so glad I was able to go! I really needed to see Kaitlyn; the poor girl has made it through the entire season basically friendless and I feel so badly for her! She said she felt better since she got to vent to me and everything, so hopefully, my pep talk can carry her for the last two weeks of the season.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Rocky Horror Picture Show this weekend. I'm so excited.

I'm going as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. It's hilarious since I'm not a dude going in drag, but I do a mean impression.

That antici----pation is killing me.

I have a lot of "on call" shifts at work this week. I don't know what's up with that. It's a bit frustrating, I'd rather know if I work or not. This maybe maybe not thing doesn't seem so great now. Maybe it won't be so bad though.

Anyway, There will be tons of pictures taken on Saturday. They will be hilarious, I'm sure of it.

I'm feeling really good today. It's so nice!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dentist and To Watch List

For whatever reason I'm unusually tired. I could so take a nap right now, and I just might do that.

Today was okay. I went to the dentist. I hate the dentist, but this wasn't so bad. It was over quickly, so that made me happy.

I have a letter to write. I don't know if I want to write it or not, but I know that I have to. It has to be done at some point.

On another note, I have a "To Watch" List. It's like a To-Do list, but it's a list of movies I want to watch.

Nightmare Before Christmas (I've seen it before, but it's been a long time)
The Butterfly Effect 2
The Princess Bride
The Lion King (Again, seen it, but it's been a long time)
The Shining

That's it so far, I'm sure it will get longer at some point.

Monday, October 26, 2009


Today was my second day of work, and I feel like I failed. My drawer came up $13.80 short.
I basically worked for two free hours. -_-

Way. To. Go.

If this happens too many more times, I could get fired. I don't want that! I like this job!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Pretty Fun Day

I had a pretty fun weekend with Jordan. Yesterday, we went to see Astro Boy. It was cute. That's about all I want to say about it. Afterwards, we went into Hot Topic so I could get him this Angry Beavers shirt. You remember that cartoon, right? It was on Nick a few years ago, you know, when the good shows were on. I'll refresh your memory with a photo. Yeah, you remember now.

Today, we painted pumpkins. I'll have a picture up at a later time. It was super fun. He also whooped my butt at Mario Kart. It was a great time! I love that boy!

I work tomorrow 11-5, so that should be fun!

Friday, October 23, 2009


Wish my shoulder didn't hurt. I woke up this morning in excrushiating agony. It hurts from mid-way up my neck down my arm. Felt like I was going to throw up when I woke this morning.

Jordan comes tomorrow, and that's exciting.

That feeling is subsiding...slowly but surely. That's an up, but I have been fighting with my parents more often. Maybe it's because I don't really see anyone but them, or it's just because I'm tired of being cooped up all the time.

Hopefully, this doesn't last forever.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Retail Therapy

Things were better today. I guess.

Is anyone else experiencing goofy weather? It was 50 degrees last week and today, 70. Hello? What's up with that. My sinuses are raging, and I'm not quite all that happy about it.

Anyway, I bought The Princess Bride today. I haven't seen it before so I'm pumped to watch! It will give me something better to do than sleep all day. Also, my mom bought me a faux-fur lined hoodie. OMG! It's sooo soft. I also got new moccasins to replace the ones Ivy chewed through. That dog should be glad she's cute, or she'd be a...well, it wouldn't be good.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tommy Hilfiger Continued

Work was fantastic. I learned how to fold, work the register, and watched some lame videos. The girls I worked with were so adorable and sweet!

I really think I'm going to enjoy my time at Tommy!

Tommy Hilfiger

Today is my first day! I'll let you know how it goes.

At the moment, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to wear. I'm so used to having a uniform to wear! Decisions, decisions!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What I Did For Love--A Chorus Line

Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember.
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Where are the "best of times?"

This feeling is consuming my soul. Am I hitting rock bottom again? Can I shake this off? Is this the way my life is supposed to be? Does God want me to live in this unbreakable box of rigid emotion? Did I kill babies in a past life? Is this why I constantly feel this angst-y feeling; a feelings where my soul literally feels as though it's being sucked out of my soul by a Dementor and that my heart is ripping in to two separate pieces?

Seriously, haven't I had more than my share of shit to deal with? Didn't I have most of my fill between the ages of 6 and 12? What the hell, God? I'm starting to feel like Job over here. I mean, when Job had all of his stuff taken from him You gave it back. I'm not getting anything back! All I need is a freaking boil on my butt and he and I would be in the same damn situation! How is that fair?!

Why is it that some people don't have as much tragedy as others? That's a bit unfair, doncha' think? Some of us get to take on more than our share of the load while others get to sit pretty. You know what I'm talking about. Those people who's biggest problems have been the death of a family member and a bad experience with a boyfriend. Some of us get to just have shitty times. I don't think that's right.

You're not picking favorites, are You? If you are, that's pretty messed up. But, you did love that one disciple the most, didn't you? That was your Son, but you're the Almighty Three in One. OOOO!

I'm starting to feel like I'm losing You again. I felt this way five years ago, and You know what happened. I tore down my relationship with you because I was so pissed. You know, that's why people get pissed. Because they feel like they're getting more than their share of heartache while others live on Easy Street until the day that they die. I finally rebuilt that foundation with You. It took five years. Five! And I'm starting to feel it crumble again. I don't want that.

How can You expect me to be okay that I've been run out of school for a condition I can't control and that I have to live in a town where I know no one, and I can't get out of the house and just take a walk because "it's not safe." Really? Is that fair?

Did I kill babies in a past life? Are you punishing me? Are you?!

I've invested too much time trying to rebuild my relationship with You and trying to not stay mad at You, I have. I really have. But... Well, I don't want to feel like I've wasted my time. It was one of the biggest challenges in my life. You know that. So why does it feel like you're trying to tear my foundation down? Why does it feel like you're testing me?

Joan of Arcadia

I've been watching this all day. I have the second season on DVD, and have been avoiding the television tragedies that occur on weekends.

Macy, I think you would really like this. Rent the first season if you can.

Right now, I'm watching Joan audition for a musical about Zombie love. It's bliss.

That stupid empty feeling is seeping in again. I can just feel my heart empty out a little more every minute. Depression has got to be like, THE hardest thing to deal with ever. I think I'll be dealing with it for the rest of my life; trying to medicate myself in to oblivion or a state of numbness so that I can live without feeling at all. When my meds are functioning correctly, as in, I'm not feeling depressed or showing symptoms thereof, I'm numb. I don't think it matters what medication I'm taking (I've tried so many) it's the "norm" for me.


Friday, October 16, 2009

Wanda Sykes

Is making me smile. : )

I need the laughs. I'm so bored, and apparently the best way to beat boredom is to sleep. So, I've been sleeping a lot lately.

Now that I have this job at Tommy Hilfiger, hopefully, I won't be as bored.

I'm trying to get some of my friends to come and visit me before I start work. Many of them are on Fall Break now, so I figure why not. I don't know anyone down here. I'm hoping that Jessie and maybe Sarah could come and visit.

I don't have anything to say for once.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


I got the job at Tommy Hilfiger! Fifty percent discount here I come!

Tonight at Italian Class, we were shown a video of Northern Italy. Mama mia! is it absolutely beautiful. See for yourselves:

I know the quality is horrible, but boy, is it hard to even find pictures of these places.


I woke up this morning with a sandpaper-lined throat on the left side. (Why not both sides, I'm not sure.) My tonsil feels like it's going to explode as does my head and nose. I can breath through my nose, so I can't complain too much, but I still hate this less than 100% feeling.

It's officially (since it's past midnight) been a week since my interview at Tommy Hilfiger and I've heard nothing. I have an interview tomorrow at Bath and Body works. I really want this job at Tommy, but if B&B get back to me first, I may have to take the job. *Sigh*

I really want something to go my way right now. It seems like everything is just falling apart.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


So I haven't updated in a few days because I've been away from the computer. I spent some time with Rachel back in New Ox and Sunday she came down here to MD so we could spend some more time with one another.

We saw Godspell on Sunday. Of course it was fabulous! It's one of my favorites. Yesterday, we basically spent four hours at the mall. I'm not kidding. It was fantastic.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


Applied to several places in the past few days. Charlotte Russe, Gap, Bath and Body Works, and Tommy Hilfiger. I have an interview tomorrow at 4:30 with T.H. I'm hoping that one goes through, but I wouldn't mind working at Charlotte Russe either.

I'm actually just hoping that I get a job for the holidays. I need something to do other than sit around the house all day.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


*Note, I do not take credit for these images. I simply found them on the internet, liked them and wanted to share them with others.


I've been so tired lately. It's like I can't get enough sleep. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, woke up at 5:30, and went back to bed an hour later and slept until 10 when Dad woke me up.

Eleven and a half hours and I'm still tired.

What is up?

I don't think it's mono because my body doesn't ache, I'm just so sleepy.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

: ]

My boy is coming soon. I can't wait to see him. He makes me so happy. :)

I'm watching Fairly Odd Parents at the moment, and I've had a lot of sleep. Things are good.

That is all.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Good Day

I need someone to explain to me why you would need to make a pre-appointment with a doctor's office. What I mean is that my "appointment" today was really with an intake nurse who then schedules a real appointment with the doctor. Not only is that frustrating, it's kind of stupid.

Anyway, that's what I was supposed to do today. After spending 10 minutes going back and forth on the same block of N. Walnut Street this morning, we finally found the doctor's office. They really need to move the sign onto the street where you can actually see it or at least raise it so that it's not hiding behind a pack of SUVs. It would even be helpful if the sheet with the directions mailed to me from the office said, "Next to St. Mary's Catholic School." That is the least they can do. The damn office is off the road hidden from view.

I got inside, and the intake nurse had to leave on a family emergency so she has to call me tomorrow to schedule an appointment. Please, someone, answer this for me, If this can be done on a phone, why waste time doing it in person? Really? Is the drive necessary?

Anyway. Other than that, today was a better day. Anything could be better than the weekend, even a nuclear holocaust would be better than my weekend.

But I've enjoyed my do-nothing day. It's like most of my days, I must admit. I've kind of stopped keeping up on any of my subjects except theatre since I'm auditing that. Like what motivation do I have? My day was rather calm and I like it when it's like that. I had a very nice nap, and I got to watch Sonny With A Chance before dinner so I'm all smiles.

Jordan said he may come down tomorrow to see me, and I'm super excited! I miss him! : ) I love that boy.

And Macy, I do understand what you're feeling, and I'm so happy for you.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Dear Weekend,

You were the worst ever. All three days of my glorious weekend were ruined. I hate you. I'm so mad that I can't even verbalize what I need to say in order to get out my frustration. Don't think you're getting off so easily, when I can form the words, my wrath shall cometh.


A pissed off Megan

P.S. Another weekend like this, and there is going to be a weekend homicide.

Friday, October 2, 2009


"Fairy tales do not exist to tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed."
--G. K. Chesterton

Children are remarkable for their intelligence and ardour, for their curiosity, their intolerance of shams, the clarity and ruthlessness of their vision.
- Aldous Huxley

Sophia: Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.
--Golden Girls

Blanche: The Great Herring War?
Rose: Between the Lindstroms and the Johannsens.
Dorothy: Oh, THAT Great Herring War.
--Golden Girls

Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves.
--Golden Girls

“Life is just one damned thing after another.”Elbert Hubbard

Meal Planning

I'm in charge of planning the menu this week for my family. We're having a lot of pasta!!

Beef Stir Fry
Spinach Lasagna
Turkey Wraps
Chicken Cattiatcoret

I can't think of the other one, but I know it's delicious!

Mmmm. Nom, nom, nom.

Thursday, October 1, 2009


Today was not a good day. My father is in a cranky mood all the time and it seems like it's because of me. I say something, he gets in a snit. And today my mother accused me of being his problem. Ever since he got this job here as the church pastor, he just seems to be in a shitty mood all the time. So, I just can't please any one and it's really getting old.

My mother is also giving me a "cerfew" of when I have to be up in the morning. WTH? She hates being woken in the morning if she doesn't have anything pressing to do. I don't have anything pressing to do! Why can't I sleep in?

At the moment, all I'm doing is getting nagged and bitched at. If only I was at school. If only I could be there. I wouldn't have to deal with this shit.

I'm so sick of this right now.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I finally got tired of being cooped up in the house the other day, and decided to go out and take some pictures of the church since it's in my back yard. Here are some of my favorites:


This photo just reminds me so much of the Victorian Age. I don't know who took this, but whoever it may be is very talented.

I just feel so inspired by this. It makes me want to dress in soft fabrics and pretend I'm a princess!

Today, (technically yesterday since it's 1am) I had my "hearing." It started off roughly but ended pretty well. I think that I'll be able to return next semester. My dad got a call shortly after we left campus from the Dean of Student Life. He said that they would get in contact with us in November to discuss my re-enrollment.

I moved the rest of my stuff out of my dorm today with the exception of my cinder blocks. It's really depressing though. I really didn't anticipate my freshman year of college going like this... I mean, being on campus for two weeks and then being sent home for a fainting condition. I just thought things would go better.

Some school has to take me, right? I mean, I can't be treated like an invalid for the rest of my life. I have a fainting condition not MS or Down Syndrome. I can still be an active part of the world. I can still work. Really, my fainting condition is similar to epilepsy; it's just less dangerous. My brain functions normally when I'm unconscious. My heart rate isn't slowing or speeding up. I'm fine. I haven't gotten hurt over the past two years that I've lived with this. Sure, I've had a concussion or two, and a few lumps on my head, but nothing serious.

I'm just hoping and praying for the best.

At the moment, I'm trying to unwind by watching Golden Girls. I have a play to finish reading and a response paper to write for a class I'm auditing. It's due tomorrow. I only have a few pages left, and the paper only has to be a page. I think in the morning when I have a fresh mind, I'll be able to concentrate better.

Monday, September 28, 2009


Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring

I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
that this world is a beautiful
accident, turbulent, succulent
opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.


I don't know if anyone else loves America's Best Dance Crew (my favorite part is watching the always fabulous Mario Lopez), but if you haven't been keeping up with this season you have seriously been missing out.

Last night was the finale and the crew I've been rooting for since the beginning won! We Are Heroes had amazing performances every week, and they are the first all female group to win ABDC!

Sunday, September 27, 2009


If you haven't seen the new Bruce Willis movie, Surrogates, you are seriously missing out. It was fantastic. Even if you aren't a sci-fi kind of person, I still suggest you see it. It's very thought provoking and filmed with excellence.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


At the moment in which I'm typing this sentence it is 11:52 pm EST. I thought maybe that would be fun to know. No, really I just want people to know that I do not actually wait until it is midnight to post something new, I really just do it as the spirit moves me.

What I really wanted to say, or discuss are things that I don't understand and am not going to talk about. Neat, hunh? I just put stuff down, and let you imagine what I could possible say.

Let's give this a whirl.

  • The hatred I feel when Saturday Night TV schedules differ from every other night.
  • I'm too tired to sleep.
  • I'm only comfortable temperature wise in shorts and a sweatshirt.
  • Why does thinking about bugs make you itch?
  • Hallmark shouldn't bother making their own movies.
  • I have yet to meet a person who commented on how fantastic a Hallmark movie was.
  • Fuzzy socks don't keep my toes warm.
  • Neither do shoes.
  • Batteries are too expensive.

That is all.



In my life, I've suffered though just about every typical teenage thing anyone can go through (no drug abuse though). So, I've had experience in how it feels to completely hate yourself and to want to die, etc.

I am a firm believer that with experience come wisdom. Although I don't claim to be "wise," I do believe that I have wisdom beyond my years. Because of this I want to be a therapist or guidance counselor, or something in the realm that deals with adolescence.

Frankly, I think adolescence is the most confusing, lousy, heart-breaking time anyone goes though. Thousands of questions go through your mind from, "What do I want to do?" to, "Am I gay?" So it's no wonder that teens go mad during this time of their life. Who doesn't?

This is not my major point, but my minor point. My major point is that since I have this wealth of wisdom now, I try my hardest to put it to good use.

When my friends have problems, I try my hardest to use my experiences and the advice I've been given over the years to try and help them. Usually I do a fairly good job. And my friends really do seem to take my advice and respect it, and that makes me feel useful.

Sometimes though, I feel as though I'm just not qualified to answer something, and I admit that to the person with whom I'm speaking. But I always feel bad when I can't give any I'm just useless.

It's almost like I feel as though I have this responsibility to have all the answers. I know that ridiculous, but I still can't help feeling that way. I'm just not the kind of person who can sit and watch my friends be in pain. I'm so empathetic that it hurts me just as much as it hurts them.

What I worry about is when I'm an adult and I still don't have all the answers, what then? Obviously, I'll try my hardest, but what if the advice I give bites me in the ass? What if it's the wrong advice? I would have to have that blood on my hands.

Is that something that you learn as you become a counselor? Do you learn to not take it so personally when things don't go the way you wanted when it comes to a patient or student?

That's what's on my mind at the moment. I feel confident when what I say works or helps, but I don't think I've ever given advice that really hasn't helped. It just makes me kind of nervous for the future.


So, like I said yesterday, I went to SU to visit my friends and pack up some of my stuffs. It was really nice getting to see my friends, and especially my roommate again!!

I wish, though, that I had more time with my roomie. Her family came and I thought we were all going to eat lunch together. I must have misunderstood or something, because her family wasn't aware, and I didn't want to impose. So Mom and I, after visiting Kallie at the volleyball game, drove back and got some lunch on the way home.

I crashed as soon as I plopped on my bed and had a wonderful nap.

Things have been crazy here for the past few weeks. I've come home, my aunt is in financial disarray with 75,000 dollars of debt and only 1400 dollars in actual unemployment income. We (my parents and I, and her brothers) are trying to bail her out in some way or another. We're buying food for her and we kicked this lying, drug user that was staying with her (whom she believed was not lying, but actually ripped several thousand dollars off from her) today. Thankfully he can't come back.

While my mother and I were at SU, my father was helping her pack some of her stuff since she's planning on moving out of Baltimore and around where we are. That is not an easy task. The woman could be in the the running for Biggest Pack rat and win. I'm not kidding. It's actually stressful being in the filth and grime amongst all of the crap when you're in her house.

Anyway, I think I also mentioned that I may be going to Greencastle...I'm not. Mom and I were just beat when we got home and the band has performed by this time anyway. Hopefully, I'll be able to make it to a football game soon.

As for my agenda tomorrow, my boyfriend is coming to see me after church. We're going out for his birthday and I'm making him a little present at the moment!

Tomorrow shall be a fun one!

Friday, September 25, 2009


Tomorrow is in approximately 30 minutes, and I'm glad. Not only do I hate spending a Friday night alone in my room, I especially hate it when I know I could be going to a party at Trax at SU.

As the saying goes, "Life's a bitch, then you die." Man is that so true, especially now.

On a brighter note, and it is so much brighter, I am going up to SU to spend some quality time with my friends and especially my roommate since I've been sent on this ridiculous medical leave. Amidst all of this congenial time I'm going to have, I have to pack my possessions and move out of my dorm. Move out, that is, until I'm allowed to re-enroll (the time could be as little as next semester and as long as next year).

I'm hoping that I'll also be able to attend my Alma Matter's competition at Greencastle Antrim High School tomorrow. There are a few guard girls I'd like to see again. ("Small-face" is especially not included in this action. I vowed I would never say anything else to her again, and I'm doing really well as of late.) At any rate, getting to see some of my friends would be fantastic! I'm hoping I'll be able to go!

I shall give a full report on all the splendid things that are to happen tomorrow. I now bid you all adieu.

Murphy's Law

It rules every ounce of my life. Ugh. I had to reschedule an appointment because of the hearing at SU. The lady emails me back about an appointment on October 6th. That would be great! Except I didn't check my mail until ten 'til seven. She was holding the appointment until six.

So, what exactly was I doing all day? I'll tell you. I was cleaning the house. All. Damn. Day. When I was finished, I was so worn out I had to take a nap. By the time all of this was finished, it was time for dinner.

Crap. So, I have no clue when the next appointment will be. It could be November before the next appointment!

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Italiano was bene! It was fun, I learned a lot, and I can't wait until next week!

We spent the last half hour of class talking about Italian words we know, i.e. spaghetti, lasagna, latte, etc. So, of course, I'm starving. I really want some gelato at the moment, actually. Hmmm. Doesn't that look absolutely delectable?
So, I have a book and it comes with eight, yes 8, cds so that I can listen and learn. I think that plus by byki software I will be able to master Italian! Well, maybe not master, but I think I'll learn more.
For those who aren't familiar with byki software, it's a free download. Byki stands for : Before You Know It. They don't have just Italian. There are all kinds of languages: Norwegian, French, Greek, Spanish, Latin (I think), Arabic, etc. So, if you're interested in learning another language, I really suggest this site. You get like 7 free lessons, and can purchase more if you want. It's better than paying $300 some dollars for Rosetta Stone. (Especially if you're not sure you like it after a while. You haven't shelled out any dough.)

Mi chiamo, Megan

I have my very first class of Beginning Italian tonight. I'm excited. I'm not taking it for any credit, but at least it will keep me busy while I'm out on medical leave.

I shall let everyone know how it goes!



My heart feels tight, I'm anxious. I have my hearing on the 29th, and I'm nervous. I know I can't change the school's mind about returning this semester, but I'm nervous that they won't let me return at all. It would be completely devastating. I'm not sure I even remotely know what to say. It's supposed to be conversational, but how is that possible? How can I converse with them and convince them to let me return next semester?

It just sucks. I want to be at school so badly. So, so badly.

And getting a service dog. That seems to be even more difficult. I have to have the *right* doctor give me a reference before I can even apply for a dog. The soonest I would even be able to get one is three months! And I have to go to a three week training and such. It just seems as though I won't even have time to do all of that before the spring semester.

I don't want to have to return as a freshman next year. I'm supposed to graduate in 2013 not 2014! I have friends already, and a roommate I adore. I don't want to give that up.

National Punctuation Day

That's right, bitchezzz! Today is National Punctuation Day. Who is excited? I am; as is my friend, Macy. We're nerds and we love it.

Why do we need punctuation? I'll let the author of Eats, Shoots, and Leaves tell you. She writes:
"A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda" he says at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

Badda-bing. It's important, I tell you!

Seriously, though, go get the book. It's hilarious.


You know how I said Glee couldn't get any better? Well, apparently it can. Next week Kristen Chenoweth will be guest starring. I shit a brick when I heard. I can't wait until next week!

As of the moment, I'm watching Golden Girls, which is a part of my nightly routine. I really like that show, it's funny. It's odd, I know, to hear an 18 year old speak of an 80s show, but I always felt as though I was born in the wrong decade. Yeah. I was. I may not think that 80s hair was/is all that fantastic, it was kind of awful, okay it was really awful, but the music was great, the fashions were fun, movies became instant hits and are classics, and television was fucking hysterical!

While I'm just sitting in my room, obviously not inspired to do my work, (Why bother? Am I going to go back this semester? Probably not.) I have time to think. What am I thinking about? To answer simply, everything. I'm praying to return to school. I'm thinking about what I can do that's theraputic for me. I'm just trying to keep my inspirational juices flowing.

I hate so much that I'm in this situation. I can't go to school because I faint, but I can't get better with the therapy I need to take unless I go to school. Why in the hell am I constantly, constantly put in the middle of impossible vicious cycles? I kind of feel like Bruce in Bruce Almighty. "God is a mean kid over an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to, but He'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm."

I know that sounds so pathetic, and matyr-some, but that's how I feel. It just isn't fair. It's just not.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Best. Show. Ever.

Maybe since I have all this free time on my hands since I'm obviously not studying for anything, I'll try to post daily. I always say this when I blog, but I think it would be good to have some kind of goal. It will at least allow me to express myself in this...this I don't even know if there's a word for it. This pathetic excuse for a town, there that's something I can use. I thought New Oxford was bad, boy was I wrong!

Anyway, I'll try my hardest. On to better things, i.e. Glee. Can you say amazing? It is. I'm enthralled. And, annnnd, Single Ladies danced by Kurt Hummel. My heart melted. It really did.

First it was last weeks outburst of, "Who is Josh Groban? Kill yourself!" and now Single Ladies is being danced by the cutest gay male of the century. Can television get any better? I think not!

Getting Settled

I officially signed up to take Beginning Italian at Hagerstown Community College. It's not for credit, but it's a good way to use my time since it seems like I'll be in Funkstown forever. I go tomorrow and I'm excited. Maybe I can take Italian at SU in lieu of Spanish. Maybe. It's a thought.

It's just depressing being here. My days are fairly routine, but they're crap. A normal day goes like this:

I get up at 9 or 9:30.
I watch Golden Girls until I'm bored with that or annoyed that I've seen the reruns that are playing at the time.
I eat lunch/facebook/get a migraine.
Get a shower.
Facebook/nurse the migraine.
Burn more time facebooking/watching television.
Eat dinner.
Sometimes I work through the readings from my sylabi
Facebook so more/continue to nurse the ceaseless migraine of doom.
Watch Adult Swim.
Go to bed around midnight or 1.

Doesn't that sound like a shitload of fun?!
Hmm. I didn't think so either.

I don't want to sit around all day, really, I don't. But what else can I do? I can't go any where by myself, and there really isn't any where to go. I live in a 4 square block town and the only thing to do is...actually I'm not sure what there is to do.

See my dilemma?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I just feel so shitty.
I just want to be back in school.
I can't even take an online course.

God, what in the hell can Your Plan be? Why are you testing me?

Inspired to blog

It's because I just watched Julie and Julia. God, was that a great movie. It just inspired me to write down my life, my everything. I have a lot to say. I don't know if it's interesting to anyone else but me, but I think it's important, and that's what matters. This may just be another blog failure, and it may not turn into anything uber exciting. I doubt that I'll be published, but I'm not looking for fame. I'm just looking for expression; an outlet where I can myself.

My name is Megan. I'm eighteen. I'm pretty random. Murphy's Goddamed Law rules my life. I curse enough to make a sailor blush. (It's not a trait I'm particularly proud of, but it is a part of me, and I've accepted it.) I try to be as grammatically correct as possible (even on the Internet). My college situation is put on hold, and I'm not at liberty to discuss this because I'm sure somewhere the school is Googling my name in search of some way to use my words against me. After things seem to be in order, I'll elaborate.

I'm a pretty open book, so don't be shy to ask a question or say, "Hello."