Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Famalahh

My grandma is coming up from NC today, and at some point she will be joined by Aunt Barb. Oh, what a wonderful combination this is going to be.

Most of you don't know this but Grandma+Barbara=incessant arguing/bitching and moaning about the other. They drive each other crazy.

My grandma, bless her heart, is a wonderful person. She does, however, have some qualities that are a bit more than annoying. For instance: on a Saturday morning you want to sleep in, right? Well, that's next to impossible because this woman starts banging pots and pans around at 5:30 am. Why is she up at this ungodly hour? Because she's up that early every morning regardless of when she goes to bed.

So, if you're lucky enough to sleep through all the banging, at some point you will be awoken by her checking up on you. The door opens loud enough startle you into cardiac arrest. She doesn't mean to, she's just trying to make sure you're breathing, but it's still frustrating.

And, if you've managed to fall back asleep after wetting yourself from fright, she will come into your room at 9/10 o'clock to ask, "Are you going to sleep the day away?" That is unless you have somehwere to be, then she says, "It's time to get up. Up an at 'em. Time's marching on."

In that order. Every. Single. Time.

And like most people, when I wake up, I can't eat right away. I have to wake up first. Apparently, this woman doesn't realize that for some people, the thought of shoving food down your throat as soon as you wake up is gagnacious, stomaching-churning horror. Because as soon as your feet hit the floor, she's asking what you want to eat. Can I wake up and let you know in like 20 minutes? Because, at the moment, thinking of food makes me want to hurl.

For the three years I lived with this woman, I was unable to break her of that morning harassing routine.

You can see why this would be annoying, right?

As for Aunt Barb, she just complains about everything. My this hurts, my that hurts. She's 67 going on 135. And what makes Grandma so angry is how sloppy Aunt Barb can be. Grandma is a neat freak. Barbara is the polar opposite of that.

So, for the next few days, I will get to hear the lovely caterwauling coming from their mouths and I'll get to deal with each of their minor nuisances.

If I return after Christmas a bit more crazy than normal, you now know why.

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