This feeling is consuming my soul. Am I hitting rock bottom again? Can I shake this off? Is this the way my life is supposed to be? Does God want me to live in this unbreakable box of rigid emotion? Did I kill babies in a past life? Is this why I constantly feel this angst-y feeling; a feelings where my soul literally feels as though it's being sucked out of my soul by a Dementor and that my heart is ripping in to two separate pieces?
Seriously, haven't I had more than my share of shit to deal with? Didn't I have most of my fill between the ages of 6 and 12? What the hell, God? I'm starting to feel like Job over here. I mean, when Job had all of his stuff taken from him You gave it back. I'm not getting anything back! All I need is a freaking boil on my butt and he and I would be in the same damn situation! How is that fair?!
Why is it that some people don't have as much tragedy as others? That's a bit unfair, doncha' think? Some of us get to take on more than our share of the load while others get to sit pretty. You know what I'm talking about. Those people who's biggest problems have been the death of a family member and a bad experience with a boyfriend. Some of us get to just have shitty times. I don't think that's right.
You're not picking favorites, are You? If you are, that's pretty messed up. But, you did love that one disciple the most, didn't you? That was your Son, but you're the Almighty Three in One. OOOO!
I'm starting to feel like I'm losing You again. I felt this way five years ago, and You know what happened. I tore down my relationship with you because I was so pissed. You know, that's why people get pissed. Because they feel like they're getting more than their share of heartache while others live on Easy Street until the day that they die. I finally rebuilt that foundation with You. It took five years. Five! And I'm starting to feel it crumble again. I don't want that.
How can You expect me to be okay that I've been run out of school for a condition I can't control and that I have to live in a town where I know no one, and I can't get out of the house and just take a walk because "it's not safe." Really? Is that fair?
Did I kill babies in a past life? Are you punishing me? Are you?!
I've invested too much time trying to rebuild my relationship with You and trying to not stay mad at You, I have. I really have. But... Well, I don't want to feel like I've wasted my time. It was one of the biggest challenges in my life. You know that. So why does it feel like you're trying to tear my foundation down? Why does it feel like you're testing me?
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