Growing, Living, Changing

A lot has changed since I last posted. How could it not, it's been over two years. But I have to say, I really like the person I've become these last two (plus) years. I've grown up a lot, grown a lot, and I have really found my own voice. I'm starting to think about things differently--not everything is a disaster, I'm finally coming into my own and learning how to let go. And letting go is difficult. Very. Especially for me--I forgive, but never, ever forget. But I'm learning how to not let anger eat me alive forever. It's been really trying, but I'm getting better at it.

I have 128 days until I graduate from college. And I am praising God/Allah/Muhammad/Buddah whomever I can in thanks. It's been a very tough three years for me. I've succeeded academically, sure, but I've had many times when professors made me want to rip out my hair, or just quit in general. The challenges I've had haven't necessarily been academic or for the betterment of my personal growth, and that's what's been the most frustrating. Being forced into a semester off really derailed my four-year plan as far as when I would take classes and the course load I would need for each semester.  As a then dual-major, I ended up needed to overload two semesters and also take several summer courses in order to "catch up."  And with all the effort I put in to not only complete my courses, but to do it well seemed in vain when it turned out that some of my professors weren't worth the effort. Many times, papers were left unread, an arbitrary grade slapped on the first page. No comments, no corrections. I just kept thinking, "I just wrote this 20-page paper so that it could sit on your desk for three weeks and so that you could just give the entire class an A. Did that just happen?" With that and for some other reasons, I feel like much of my tuition money has gone down the tubes completely wasted.

That's the most frustrating part--this feeling that my money has been a waste and that I'll graduate with a worthless degree.

It's that kind of frustration I'm trying not to let get the best of me in these next 128 days. Sure, I want to have fun with my classmates and my sorority sisters. And I certainly plan to do so. But those who keep telling me to "cherish my time" and not to wish it away, I say this: I'm not wishing away the fun times, the times with my friends, the times that are challenging but ultimately worthwhile. I'm wishing away the hell that I feel like I've walked through. Because if I go through another semester from hell, I'll probably want to put my head through a wall.

Don't worry, blogosphere, I plan to have plenty of fun in my last semester. I have some mass auditions I'm attending in January and February, and I'm sure I'll keep myself entertained, and that there will be plenty of photos documenting this experience.

Fashion

Spending my summer working at J. Crew has really fostered a love of fashion. I look at clothes in a completely different way: I see the entire outfit by looking at one piece and can judge (usually) how well an article would look on me (with the exclusion of those things that are weird on the hanger but fabulous on). I did this on my last big shopping extravaganza with Rachel. We were at Delia's looking at cropped, 3/4 sleeve tops (pictured right) and I knew immediately how great this would look on her. She, like most people, wrinkled up her nose and shook her head; and it wasn't until after much pleading that I convinced her to at least try it on. The result: she loved it and ended up purchasing it. I have the same top in orange with the Eiffel Tower in the center.

I notice that I'm taking fashionn risks. I mean, I bought a pair of legging-like pants yesterday at work. I say legging-like because they're actually pants. They have a zipper in the back, they're thicker than denim, and they are called the Elastic Waist Pixie Pant. You see, I have this thing with people who wear leggings as pants. It just shouldn't be done. Ever. These, however are more like a nylon/spandex blend, fitted, cropped pant. (And they make my butt look great!).

Even today, I almost bought a denim button down. I decided not to because I don't think I'd wear it as much as I initially thought, but it would look really cute with these new pants.

Although I'm enjoying this new-found love, it's doing hazardous things to my cash flow. This summer, my net pay (pre-tax) is $845.59. How much of that do I actually have? Maybe $200.oo. Where did the rest of it go? It went back to J. Crew. Like most young women, I've found it hard to curb my lust and want for these clothes. See, I've really never been like this; I've never been one just to blow cash on things that I, frankly, didn't need. I'm usually one of those people that won't buy anything unless it's dirt cheap or I really do need it. And I've always been that way.

Can I rest part of the blame on my passion for fashion or a personality change? Or is it just because I'm bored here in Funkstown when I'm not working and going to the mall is a great way to be out of the house for an extended amount of time. I'm really hoping it's just a phase and I'll get over it when school starts because I can't continue to spend my money this way.

: Flavors.me

Check it.

http://flavors.me/chainedartist

Hobby and Randomness

In my spare time, I really enjoy making collages. I've made a cover for a diary, an art piece to hang in my dorm, and some inserts to go into the clear pockets on the front of binders. Recently, I've decoupaged some magazine clippings onto two wooden "M's" (decorative ones) and an old picture frame. I only have a picture of the newest M that I've decoupaged but maybe soon I'll have a picture of the other M and the frame.

It doesn't really take too long; the most time-consuming part is figuring out what I want on the material I'm covering. Things can never be too small, but they can be too big. Sorting through what I like and what I feel will work takes time; but it's relaxing so I don't really mind too much.

Once I have all the pieces, I just use Elmer's Glue (in the bottle not the stick) since it's much cheaper than actual decoupage paste and does the same thing to paste the clipping on the material and then some to put over the pasted piece. This top layer keeps the ends from curling up once the glue has dried. Any thing that sticks out over the edge of the material can either be snipped off or pasted on the back of the material. For my most recent M, I chose to snip the excess off.

Aside from the decoupaging, I haven't really been doing too much other than working and trying to stay cool in this hellish heat. Although my room is a sanctuary from the heat during the day, it can get a little cool at night; cool enough to need a blanket. It isn't just any blanket I grab for when I get chilled, it's a special blanket. I acquired this gem a few months ago at Sears for a measly $5. It's a dinosaur blanket. It's meant for small children but it suits me just fine. This blanket is that nice, soft microfiber fabric that is to-die-for soft. The fabric is not a dinosaur print but a shape. The blanket is meant for children to wear not 19-year-olds. But it was so adorable (and soft) that I just had to have it! It has a hood and pockets at the end for one to slip hands in. Above these pockets are claws. It even has a little tail in the back! It's quite adorable--so adorable in fact that I ran around Sears saying, "RAWR! I'm a dinosaur!" and ended up embarrassing my mother. (But she was the one that pointed it out to me...).

I'm so excited to take this back with me to school. I'll be the envy of all my friends!

I Have a Confession

I am in love with Chris Colfer.

Done Everything

So when you move to a new place there are always new places to explore, right? But after some time, things begin to get dull. The newness wears off. That has officially happened.

I can't just go to the mall when I get bored especially the outlets, I mean, I work there! And what else is there to do? Skating would be fun if the rink wasn't full of slutty ten-year-olds with fouler mouths than mine.

Frankly, I would love to go to a museum, but there aren't any particularly close that are age appropriate for me. So, the only place to go is D.C. Unfortunately, that's an hour and a half away and with no one to go with me it's completely unsafe, too.

So, you can probably guess that I'm restless and bored. And I am.

Summertime And the Livin' Is Easy

Not entirely true. This girl is a working girl. But I can't complain: I got time and a half for working on Memorial Day.

I would like, however, to go on a little vacation--see some friends, get a change of scenery, etc. I don't think that's likely to happen...