Work

So, I've worked everyday since Friday. I'm a little worn out at the moment. That paycheck is going to be soooo nice though.

In a week I'll hear from SU. I'm nervous/excited.

I've also been thinking a lot, a terrible thing, I know. I really miss him. I miss his funny faces. I miss the way he smells. I miss the way he held me.

It's hard. But I miss him a lot.

Black Friday

I worked my very first Black Friday today. It was actually, my only Black Friday ever. I had a 12 hour shift from 5am-5pm, and the day basically went by quickly. The last hour dragged on forever.

Overall, it was a good day.

Tomorrow and Sunday I work 8 hours. This paycheck is going to be great!

Thanksgiving

First and foremost, Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm pumped for food, and for spending some time with family and friends.

However, I am not pumped about having to get up at 3:45am on Friday so I have time to eat and get dressed so I can go into work from 5am to 5pm. Not liking that at all.

At the moment, I'm watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. I've definitely seen better ones, but I really shouldn't complain. I actually get to watch this year's. Last Thanksgiving, I was working all day.

The Rocketts were really good, though, as was the cast of Hair.

Currently, I'm trying to keep myself awake so I can hit the hay at like 7 or 8 tonight.

Dilemma

You know what can be very conflicting? Being honest. That can ultimately be a problem. At first though, you think, "Nah. How is that possible?" But if you truly dig deep to a time when being honest would hurt someone more than help, you understand what I'm saying.

I'm a pretty honest person. I try not to be brutally honest because I know that sometimes that can come off pretty harshly, but I always try to be truthful especially with my friends.

My problem as of late is between someone who is very close to me. We're friends, this person and I, best friends. But this person is a little lack-luster in the singing talent category. Now, this person isn't the worst singer in the world, that's been proven time and time again during American Idol auditions, but this person is no where near someone who I'd consider a "good" singer. And you know, it's really hard to be honest with this person because of his/her love for singing. I'm afraid if I say to this person, "You know, really, singing isn't your strong point. I know you like to do it for fun, but really, in reality, you're not very good." I fear that it will not only break her heart but our friendship.

And I know, I know, "If we're truly friends, it won't make a difference." But really, it will. It will make a difference, because this person will be heartbroken and angry with me for breaking the heart.

But honestly, I want to let this person know so that he/she isn't embarrassed when auditioning for various things. Who wants to be humiliated in front of a bunch of people?

Like, when you watch AI, don't you ask yourself, "Why in hell did their parents not tell them they sucked ass?" I can't be the only one to do that.

And I don't really want to pass this task down onto someone else. If I can't do it, I can't ask someone else to do it for me either.

Does anyone have any advice?

Concert

Natalie Weiss is having a solo concert January 24. Guess which girl is going?
If you said this one, then you're right!
Also, Macy Keef is going, too. It shall be a doub'ly awesome night.

And, I found another song I'm obsessed with. It's House of Love by Jeremy Schonfeld. Has anyone heard of it?

Here is Natalie Weiss singing it. Ohmygosh, it's amazing!

Camp Rock

It's on and I'm watching it!

I got to hang with my friends this weekend, and I got to see Jayna who I haven't seen in forever. So much fun!

Oh, learned that you cannot make pancakes with waffle batter. They become too soupy, but are really filling once they're cooked.

New

I got new sweaters today as Christmas presents. And work was okay. I was feeling a bit anxious today for whatever reason. I did have pretty awful dreams during the night though.

Dean Winger called me to talk to me about a Leadership Conference. Sounds like I may be going back? I think so. Why offer this to me just to say, "No! No SU for you!"

I'm officially in HCC, too. Why wouldn't I be? But whatever. Now my plan B is coming together a bit more.

Doubts

I'm doubting myself. I'm doubting my ability to sing. I'm doubting if I'm really even a good singer at all.

I don't know. I just feel like my dream will never come true...

Two Obsessions

Natalie Weiss is one of my new heros. She's such an amazing singer. Talent oozes from this girl's pores.



So, there's Natalie Weiss and the song by Jason Robert Brown I'm Not Afraid of Anything. It's bringing me the strength I need right now. The ending to the song may not be the brightest, but somehow, it's encouraging me to be strong.

Jennie's afraid of water
I mean she swims so well
But still
She's afraid of water
And so she won't go near the sea
Not me

Katie's afraid of darkness
I mean she sleeps and all
But still
She's afraid of darkness
So when the lights are out she has to hold my hand
I don't understand

I'm not afraid of anything
Be it mountains, water, dragons, dark or sky
I'm not afraid of anything
Tell me where's the challenge if you never try
So watch me fly
I'm not afraid

Daddy's afraid of babies
I mean he got through me, but now
He's afraid of babies
Guess he's scared of what they'll be
Not me

And Mama's afraid of crying
You know she tries to hold it in
But she's afraid of crying
And she can look at me with tears stuck in her eye
And I don't know why

I'm not afraid of anything
Be it growing old or going out of style
I'm not afraid of anything
Who would give up what they want without a trial
Another mile
I'm not afraid

And I feel the calling of adventure
And I hear the ringing in my ear
The lights are glaring
Trumpets blaring
I'm right here
And I hear the calling of tomorrow
And I feel the stirring in my bones
And David loves me
He's afraid to hold me

Listen to the calling of excitement
Can you feel the pounding of my heart
The lights are ready
Pulse is steady
I can start

Never stop the calling of a challenge
Blessing on the water and the stones
And David loves me
He's afraid to tell me
David loves me
He's afraid to trust me
He's afraid to hold me
And he'll always be
He's afraid of me

And I'm not afraid of anyone
I am sure to win with anyone at all
I'm not afraid of anyone
Not a soul alive can get behind this wall
So let them call
And watch them fall
‘Cause after all
I'm not afraid

Future...

You how it's said that young people are, "Too young to be tired" or "Too young to have such aches and pains." Is that really true? I don't think so. I'm 18 and many days I feel like I'm 18 going on 45. My feet hurt, my back constantly aches, and some days I'd like to amputate my knees. Were children 30 and 40 years ago just more tolerant? Are kids my age now just softer? I mean, I know that children now have so much more handed to them . They don't have to use their imaginations anymore; why when you can just play your Nintendo DSi or Wii?

It kind of makes me wonder what my kids will and most importantly won't have to do. Written homework? Nah. From what I hear, they won't even know how to write in cursive. Many schools are in the process of cutting that from their course of study because "it won't be needed" in years to go.

I really feel old when I say, "What is the world coming to?"

Can We Please Just Leave Well Enough Alone?

Please? Because I really was doing okay until you called and drove a knife right through my heart. I just feel like now I have to apologize to you because I unknowingly kept you trapped for two months. I'm sorry. You didn't have to patronize me. I could have handled it.



If my heart wasn't broken before, it is now. Don't worry too much, I'll get over it, and it will heal; but it's going to take a while. Now I have to mend it back together instead of just putting on a butterfly stitch.

I will tell you this much, those six months were the best. They really were. I just wish...it didn't have to be over.

0.o

I have to say, this day has flown by. Though that's probably due to the two hour nap I had...



Wait. I think I may take that back. It's only 5:15, and I have several more hours before I go to bed. Hmm... That may be an affirmative statement in about two hours.



Anyway, I'm definitely feeling better today. I'm still sickish, but I can breathe though my nose easier. Thank GOD!

The only thing I'm still really miffed about is the fact that now, everyone at SU wants to know every aspect of my personal business. The disabilities coordinator apparently called my counselor to ask about getting my case notes, i.e. what I've been talking about in confidence during my sessions. Why the hell does she need that? I could understand the counseling center maybe wanting that information, but not this lady! My concern is that she'd use that information against me. My parents and I are convinced that this was the lady that was responsible for the right hand knowing more than the left considering my medical leave. -_-

But, my counselor called me and I was able to express my concerns to her, which were the same as hers. She's only releasing pertinent information, because some of the stuff just needs to be private.

Seriously, though? I still don't understand why that information is needed.

I just realized right now how much I miss you.

Feeling college sick. I really miss it.

Still feeling under the weather.

I'm bored out of my mind, but I'm definitely not motivated enough to work on my to-do list.

Blah.

Still feeling kinda poopy. I've basically veg'd out all day.

Glee is back on tonight and I am sooo excited!

Not 100% today.

My allergies are finally catching up with me. I woke up this morning and my throat was sandpaper lined. I hate that. Like, you feel okay, except you feel like you can't talk or swallow...or breathe for that matter.

But I have to say, working today must have gotten my mind off of it. The time just flew by, and I'm not quite sure how that happened. I was there at 8 am this morning, and it was 3 before I knew it. I think it was because I spent 2 hours in the back back-stocking menswear.

Oh, and can someone explain to me how one can drop $437.52 at once? I was shocked when I rang this man up. He just kept picking up stuff and picking up stuff. I've seen more $100 bills since I've started working than I have in my entire life. But, hey! My sales must have been through the roof today!

Overall, good day. I just hope I start feeling better soon.

Got it!

It's Chronic Sleepyititus (C).

That's what makes me so sleepy.


I am a genius.

Fit Session

So I just want to say last night = best time at work ever!

I got to do my "fit session" which means I got a 70% off coupon for trying on an outfit and describing how each piece fits.

Hello? Who wouldn't comply?

I'm happy with how things are going at the moment. Things right now are good.

Change

So, Jordan and I are taking a break. I'm surprisingly not distraught. I guess I figured it was coming soon. My sixth sense was telling me it was going to happen.

I'm not mad at him either. I know why that is. I've been in his shoes before. I know what he's feeling and understand that it's conflicting and confusing.

The boy is still my best friend, and always will be.

Fast.

Good day at work. It went by pretty fast.

Everything is going by quickly, actually. This year has flown by. It's November. I having a hard time fathoming that it's this late in the year, that is until I step outside into the crisp, fall air. All of my friends are having birthdays. They're becoming legal adults, and it makes me feel kind of old. I'll be 19 in a little more than two months. I'm still not used to being 18.

Now, I know why people feel old when you say, "Oh, I was born in '91."

Does anyone else feel that way? Is anyone out in cyberland reading my ramblings?

You

You're an asshole, a jerk, and an idiot. You think you're mature, but that isn't the case. In fact, you're a selfish, self-centered person who doesn't have any true friends. Some day, someone is going to kick your ass, and it will be funny--hilarious even. You will then finally get your just desserts.

What irks me most is that fact that you thought I was faking. Really? Really now? That's a stupid thought. Obviously your "medical training" really didn't teach you much. And you were the one who wanted to date me. So don't go harassing me by telling me that I was a waste of time.

I really think that I was just your big, gay beard. And some day you're going to realize that you really don't like girls, and you're homophobic self will then truly be conflicted. When that happens, you'll realize that you actually hate yourself.

I tried to convince you that people were people no matter who they love, but I guess you'll have to figure that out the hard way.

And you have the audacity to call me immature? That's hilarious! I'm the one who grew up a long time ago. You're still living your fantasy life in Never-Never Land where everyone thinks you're a hotshot with brains.

I can't wait until someone puts you in your place. You will then know what a lying, manipulative piece of dirt that you really are.

I Promised Pictures

It was a pretty awesome Halloween if I do say so myself.